An old pirate goes into his favorite pub. Bartender: Are you ok? You look terrible.
Pirate: What do you mean? I feel great.
Bartender: Look! You have a wooden leg.
Pirate: Oh that. In a battle a canon ball took off my leg from the knee down.

But, it’s made of the finest English Oak, solid as a rock. I’m ok.
Bartender: Ok, but what about that Hook on your arm?
Pirate: Oh that. Lost my hand in a sword fight.

But, it’s made of the best German stainless steel. I’m ok.
Bartender: And what about that patch over your eye?

Pirate: Oh that. Was out at sea and some seagulls were flying around.

I looked up and one of them pooped in my eye.
Bartender: You lost you eye because a bird pooped in your eye?
Pirate: No. First day with my new hook.